Maa is calling me in this moment…

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Women of Spirit and Faith asked for November: “What is the Divine Feminine calling you to do in this moment?”

Dakshinkali MaaShakti is calling me to rise up. She is calling me to risk. She is calling me to relate. She rests on a bed of will, knowledge and action, entwined with Shiva, the pure consciousness that follows her call, in order to relax into some powerful creation work. There is not a moment that goes by in which I do not feel her. I am surrounded by the subtle notes of intuition that arise in her presence and the not-so-subtle ripples of her battles in this realm. I know you know what I mean. The trees, oceans, bears and wind all speak her name. A kirtan (call and response) ensues, and those who are attuned listen. The chanting has its charms.

Recently, she asked me to give more of myself. “But I already…,” I start to say, and she just kisses me sweetly, replying, “Darling, I know how much you do. Still, there is more to be done.”

She is right, of course, and I acknowledge that my energy is dispersed and needs to focus for better effect in the world. There are some things that are too important to be lost in my chaos. How then to manage this, I wonder; but not for long. My spiritual practice guides me to breakthrough on the inner planes that has real outer world ramifications and manifestations. I learn the first lessons of empowered spiritual leadership: listen, tell your truth, take responsibility, stand your ground.

She then asks me what I believe in. I go back to a childhood filled with lies, betrayal, physical violence, and an empty fridge until Grandma comes to fill it up. I realize that I have spent much of my life creating values in response to those around me, and I need to ask what is there that is genuinely born from within me. I meditate on my birth and the will to survive interweaves tightly with the wounding of abandonment. What is mine? I sink into awareness around subsequent years of therapy, anger, resentment, and a sense of loss in relationship to my youth. I take pause and realize that I have grown much, and the obstacles have provided me with strength and power. In my crafting of faith, these avenues of challenge have led directly to the unseen realms upon which I draw heavily in my work for social transformation. Nothing is wasted.

She called me today to ask that I make a personally significant donation to a cause I care a lot about. I was not planning on giving again before the year was out, but she just winked and said,

You can do it. The women need your money as much as they need your prayers.

Nothing could be more true. Had I not dived deep into my own story, I know the insights that came around what I believe and value would not have been revealed. I would not have found either justification or motivation for a financial contribution. Moreover, it would not have seemed relevant. No one would have benefited and I would have been less humble.

A brother in the work of ministry had her card not long ago, one on which she had written my name. “Spirit babies” was all that was otherwise noted, and I was asked to help create a ritual for all the mamas and papas who grieved or sorrowed over the loss of a child through abortion, stillbirth or miscarriage. My own embodied experiences were present in the mix of emotions that circled through me with the call. I felt honored to be asked. I will help, and I will write a prayer that brings healing, if none but my own, and will ask for an opening to her mysteries, the greatest of them perhaps held in the spaces of life and death.

What is being created in response to her call? A life worth living.